Author’s Note:
In “The Mushroom Farmer,” I wanted
to establish the world of the story without being too exposition heavy. I tried
slipping some important details to the readers into story, while showing that
my characters think little of these details. One example is the mention of the
London Ruins when Edith is describing her aunt. I really hate exposition dumps
and I hope nothing in this chapter came across as such. Along these lines, I
also tried veiling the true nature of the manmade weather-controlling tree in
this folkloric tale of the “Legend of the Ashen Oak,” while revealing a bit
about the culture and thinking of the people of Rol. Finally, I wanted to make
these people, or at least Edith’s family, matter enough to the readers to sympathize
with her on her quest. I would appreciate some feedback on this, as well as if
the Edith’s voice is believable as a teen of about fifteen or sixteen. (And one last note: The misspelling
of “ammonia” as “pneumonia” is intentional. I wanted that to be a character quirk
of Oddy, who’s had his scientific and agrarian knowledge passed down
secondhand.)
Prologue
There
was once a war fought not with iron and steel but with wind and water. From the
beginning of warfare, the wisest way to win a fight was not always with one’s
fists but with one’s mind. Genghis Khan knew this when he employed Chinese
engineers to topple the dams they once built and let the floods do his work for
him. Elizabeth’s men stumbled onto this truth when the Atlantic storms laid low
the Spanish Armada. Soon, man could shape the weather of the world to his will.
Rulers and kings forbade this warfare openly, but secretly they all knew the
value of diverting a raincloud here and hurricane there. And as with anything,
once a man has the power to command the thunder and lightning, what motivation
would he have to give it up?
1. Mushroom
Farmer
“Edith,”
Pa shouted. “Edith, wake up!”
Head
groggy and heart thumping, I jumped out of bed, tossing my old quilt to the
ground. My foggy mind first leapt to the conclusion that someone had died. But
no, my frantic Pa was running about the room, throwing down buckets and stray
pieces of cloth. Streams of rainwater cascaded down from the ceiling.
“Help
me patch the holes,” Pa said, as a stream of water poured down onto his back,
“or the rain’s going to spoil the whole crop!”
I
snatched the toilet bucket from under my bed and slid it under the nearest
waterfall. The rain was coming down hard through the roof and had already
filled up some of the buckets, sloshing over their sides. A thin pool of water crawled
across our floor of old boards.
I
bunched up my quilt and tossed it onto the floor, soaking up some of the water
advancing toward my feet. “What happened?”
“Got
no idea,” Pa said, looking up at me for a moment. “Woke up to the devil taking
a piss right through my roof.”
“The
storms are getting worse aren’t they?”
“Aye.”
Pa blinked. “But right now let’s just worry about not floating away like river rubbish,
you hear me?”
I
nodded and pushed my quilt along the floor, sweeping up a thin wave of water as
I went.
Pa
wobbled to the door as fast as his bum right leg would let him and emptied a nearly
full bucket off the front porch. “This isn’t going to let up. Go get your
uncle,” he said. “Tell him to bring all the wood and nails he’s got.”
“What
about the buckets?”
“Forget ‘em. If we don’t plug those holes, the
whole house is going to turn into one
big bucket. And get a tarp. We’ve got to protect the crop.”
I
dashed past him and out the door, facing the wild storm in nothing but my raggedy
pajamas. The rain soaked through the cloth in an instant. I was gone before Pa
even told me to take my raincoat.
My
feet sunk into the muddy street as I trudged to the next house, following
nothing but my memory of the village in the heartless dark of the stormy night.
I regretted not bringing any protection from the rain—the hungry droplets were
already stinging my eyes. The house where I was heading belonged to my Uncle Jay
and his wife Freja. She had come from another village far away to the north, on
the other side of the London Ruins. There the folk were tall and strong, with
their hair like gold. Pa said he never liked those Northmen. It was hard to
trust a man whose ribs didn’t show. And their home was a haunted and ugly
country—the kind of place that ruined a man. Maybe that was why they took to
the sea to fish, but it was a strange man that would prefer even so much water
around him. Still, my Uncle Jay seemed to like Freja so that was good enough
for me, and apparently it was good enough for their daughter Anja.
I
slammed my fist against the front door, hoping they’d hear me in the din of the
storm. “Uncle Jay,” I shouted. “Uncle Jay, I need your help!”
A
few moments later and the door flew open and I nearly fell inside.
“What’s
the matter?” Uncle Jay’s hair was unkempt and he was rubbing sleep from his
eyes. “Your Pa okay?
“Our
house is flooding!”
“Damn
it all.” Uncle Jay grabbed his raincoat and tossed it to me. “You put that on
and head on home. I’ll be right over.”
“Pa
said to bring nails and boards. And a tarp.”
“I’ll
be right there.”
*
Hours
after we patched the roof and soaked up the majority of the rainwater, Pa knelt
over our mushroom planters. He ran his hands through the damp soil and shook
his head.
“No good.”
I
felt my stomach drop. “How bad?” In the dim lamplight, I looked across the
trays arranged on shelves across the entirety of the dark basement. They had
set up the new layer of mushrooms a little over a week ago. Only the earliest
of them were starting to show their caps from the layer of mulch. They all
still had about a week to go before the first crop of the month would be ready
to harvest.
“We’re
going to have to dump the whole bloody batch. The rainwater got in unfiltered.
Soaked through everything. See this?” He held out a handful of soil interlaced
with the thin white strands of mycelium. “It’s too wet. If the water was pure
there might be almost no problem. The furnace would do the trick in no time at
all. But this water’s hungry. Hungrier than anything I’ve seen in a while. You
can even smell it.”
He
held out the handful of soil and I sniffed carefully. My nose crinkled at the sour
tinge of the earth. Hungry, that’s
how Pa always described them. The water would eat at stone and wood, eroding
them out like the banks of a river. When that hungry water flowed into the
streams and rivers and seas, it ate whatever the fish had to eat and starved
them out.
“It
eats all the food right out of the mulch,” Pa said, his voice hoarse. “Starves
the mushrooms before they’re even born. We’ll be lucky if the biggest ones here
get even to half their normal size. The next ones won’t even come out at all.”
“Then
let’s just replace them all.” I frowned as I realized we didn’t have the dirt.
We had used up all of Oddy’s supply a week ago.
Pa
shook his head. “I’ll talk to Oddy tomorrow about making more compost.”
“I’ll come with
you,” I said, cringing inside. I hated going to Oddy’s.
“Until then, we’d better
tend these mushrooms as best we can.” He staggered to his feet, steadying
himself on one of the shelves and making his way over to the furnace. He
shoveled a few scoops of peat into the fire. It flickered for a few moments
then blazed bright.
I yawned and got
to my feet.
“You may as well
get some sleep. Just stay down here. It’s warmer and all the blankets are
soaked anyway.”
“Okay.” I settled
down on the soft basement floor. In the light of the furnace, I could just make
out the dark splotches where the water had soaked through the floorboards of
the ceiling.
“Pa,
do you think we are going to be okay?”
Across
the room, I could hear him sigh. “We’ll be fine.”
He
was trying to be tough, but I could hear it in his voice. We’d have to ration
the mushrooms we had for at least another month. Pa would end up giving me more
than my share and leave little for himself. The hungry rainwater had ruined everything.
Even the heat of the furnace wouldn’t do any good.
“Pa?”
“Yes?”
“Can
you sing me a song?”
Silence.
Then Pa cleared his throat, just as he always did when he sang.
London Ruins falling down,
Falling down, falling down.
London Ruins falling down,
My dear Edie.
Prop them up with steel and clay,
Steel and clay, steel and clay,
Prop them up with steel and clay,
My dear Edie.
Steel and clay will wash away,
Wash away, wash away,
Steel and clay will wash away,
My dear Edie.
That
song always put me to sleep. Like my Pa, it was one thing that I knew would
never change, never wash away like the metal and stone bones of London Ruins. I
listened and let my Pa’s deep voice carry me away on the winds of sleep.
2. Hermit
Oddy’s
shack was a good ways from town. No one could really remember when he drifted
over to Rol, probably long before I was born. Pa said that he had found him
wandering London Ruins. Once he got to Rol, it wasn’t too long until he moved
out apparently. It wasn’t so much that he was a hermit (although he most certainly
was)—it was just that no one wanted him doing his job around town. And for good
reason. The smell hit me like a rock before we were even within eyesight: the
aroma of a toilet bucket wafted through the rain.
Pneumonia, Oddy had called it, a
byproduct of the composting process. Everyone was pretty sure the big words
like pneumonia Oddy threw around were
wrong, but no one thought it would be worth hurting his pride. We all needed
his compost too much.
Even
Pa seemed bothered by the smell. He ran his hand across his mustache several
times as though he were swatting away a swarm of fleas.
Oddy
opened the door before we even had a chance to knock. He was a gaunt, short
man, and his arrogant, half-drunken sneer made him ugly. Oddy surveyed us with
squinted eyes. “Next load’s not due for another seventeen days. What do you
want?”
“Nice
to see you too, Theodore.” Pa said, hands on his hips. “Now would you mind letting
us in?”
Oddy’s
face twitched. “Not until you tell me what the devil you want.”
Pa
sighed. “Last night we had a small leak in our roof. Nothing to worry about, so
long as you can speed up the next load a bit.”
“Speed up?” Oddy chortled and choked on
the words. “Compost is not something you can just speed up. Do you know how
often I have to siphon the gases of that putrid rubbish to make it good enough
to grow your mushrooms? Do you know how much time I have to spend on this while
you just sit there and grow a batch of toadstools?”
Pa
held up his hands. “Calm down, Theodore. I didn’t mean you any offense. It’s
just that for the sake of all of Rol, we could use a mite more of your mulch.”
Oddy
scowled. “I suppose the rainwater got to your crop? How much of it?”
Pa
swallowed.
“Ah,
I see. You ruined the whole lot of it. Well unfortunately, you’re just going to
have to wait seventeen days until my processes are completed.”
“Theodore.
We’re talking about all of Rol here. Twenty-three people, including yourself,
of course. We need food. There have to be some corners you can cut.”
“There
are no corners. No cutting. Do you know just what goes into taking a lump of mud
and peat and turning it into your precious compost? No, of course not. You
don’t care so long as you get your mushrooms at the end of the day.”
“Theodore...”
“No.
No Theodore.” Oddy’s face flared red.
“It’s a muggy lot of work that you put on me. First I got to dig up enough dirt
and peat to fill my basement. And do any of you ever offer to help? No, that’s
my job of course, as Eminent Composter. Then, I have to rely on those morons
from across the Ruins to get me the fish guts I need to make my compost healthy
for your mushrooms—morons that may I add seem to be getting rather elusive
lately—and then wait until you clean the fish’s bones before I can throw in the
scraps. And all this going in my house, mind you.”
Pa
entrenched his hands in his pockets and locked his jaw.
“All
this putrescent mess in my house. I And then when I finally have enough
material to begin the process, I have to constantly siphon out all those nasty
gases that I see you two turning your noses at. Well, surprise! I get to live
in them every second of every day. All that pneumonia rising up like clouds of
piss. And then when I finally finish with my load of compost, what do I get in
return? A few bundles of mushrooms. I am the foundation of all the food in this
town. On this rock you build your
food stores!”
Yawning,
Pa wiped some rainwater from his face. “Are you done?”
Oddy
sneered at him. “No. You know what, unless I get triple my normal rations, no
one in this town will be having any more mushrooms for the foreseeable future.”
Pa
seized Oddy by the collar. “You will get standard rations, just like everyone
else.”
Oddy
laughed, then burst into coughing fit. “What are you going to do?” he rasped.
“Hurt me? Then who’s going to make your compost? I’m the only one who knows the
process.”
Pa
swore and let him go.
Oddy
brushed himself off. “Now, if there’s nothing else.”
“No.
You and I aren’t done with our little chat.” Pa turned to me and tried his best
to push the anger from his face. “Edith, why don’t you go on home? Check on the
crop and see if your uncle needs any help.”
I
saw the look in his eyes and didn’t want to argue. I bobbed my head and set off
through the rain.
*
On
my way back to Rol, I saw my cousin Anja kneeling beside small stream, sifting
through its waters with her hand. She was several years younger than me—born
when I was old enough to count and notice Aunt Freja’s belly grow big. Anja always
had a strange look. Her hair was the harsh gold of Aunt Freja’s and of the
other Northmen, but her bones were small like the people of Rol.
“Edith!”
Anja was on her feet in an instant, rubbing the mud from her legs. “Come here.
I want to show you something.”
“What
is it?”
“See
those pollywogs there?”
“No.”
“Exactly.”
Anja turned to me, eyes steady. “They’re all gone. There are not even the
two-headed ones. And this brook was one of the purest. It bubbles right out of
the ground. It’s one of the last places they could be.”
“Hmm.” I
frowned. Anja was a bit young to handle real work yet, but she had a natural
talent for finding those little animals in the water. She knew what she was
doing, and if she couldn’t find anything in this stream, then there was nothing
to be found.
“Momma and
Pappa were counting on those pollywogs to grow up to be frogs.”
I noticed
Anja’s eyes were beginning to grow damp and it wasn’t from the sting of the
rain. Taking her by the hand, I said, “Come on, let’s get back home. Maybe the
pollywogs just moved to another stream.”
Anja wiped
her face with her arm. “Maybe.”
It wasn’t
much farther to Rol. The village was hardly visible and that’s how Pa liked it,
just six houses covered in mud and peat and arranged in a rough circle along
the muddy road. The closest houses were hers and Anja’s. Then was Micah’s
house, Herbert’s family’s, Alice’s, and then back to Hayes’s across from ours.
Rol was far enough away from the water that flooding wouldn’t be an issue, and
close enough that the Northmen’s boats could trade with us. But Oddy was
right—it had been too long since the boats had last landed on Rol’s coast.
I turned to
my cousin and swept some water from her golden head. “Anja, does your Momma
ever talk about her home?”
“Sometimes.”
“Has she
said when her family will be back to visit us?”
Anja eyes
flashed to the ground. “She says they’ll be back really soon.”
I nodded.
“I’m sure they will.”
Eyes
brightening, Anja turned to me and smiled. “Let’s play hide and seek!”
“Okay.” Closing
my eyes, I counted, “One hundred. Ninety-nine. Ninety-eight…”
*
Pa
didn’t come back until much later. When he did he slammed the door behind him.
“That fool,” he muttered. “That complete and utter fool.”
“Didn’t
go well?” I said, offering him a warm cup of mushroom broth.
“Oh,
it went swimmingly. I got the old gasbag to change the terms of his demands.
Now he only wants double his normal
rations.”
I
cringed. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m
sorry too.” I just can’t fathom a man like that,” he said, massaging his bad
leg. “We all need to work together in times like these. There’s no room for any
man to get greedy.” Pa took a small sip of his broth then handed it back to me.
“How’s the crop?”
“It’s
okay. I’ve been keeping the furnace going. The soil’s starting to dry out a
bit. I dried all our linens as well.”
“Good.
We’d best keep the furnace going until tomorrow.” Pa bit his lip. “Edith, it’s not
looking good. Even without the Oddy problem, we’re still going to be short a
good bit of food. Alice won’t be able to make up the crop in her place, it’s
just too small.”
“Have
you talked to everyone yet?”
Pa sighed and rose
to his feet. “I suppose now is as good a time as any. You want to come out and
give me some moral support? Just…don’t mention Oddy’s demands. We’ll deal with
that when the time comes.”
“I’m right behind
you.”
Pa
steeled himself and opened the door. Standing outside were the twenty other
people of Rol.
“How
are we going to eat, Evan?” Micah said, his face gaunt and weathered. Micah
operated the water filter in his hut. On a good day, his system of barrels and
sand and boilers dripped out enough water for everyone to drink. “If your crop
is really ruined we need to look elsewhere for food.”
“How
about we go into London Ruins?” said Herbert. “There may be small rodents
somewhere in the old undergrounds.”
“We’re
not going into the Ruins.” Pa’s face was stiff. “The place is crumbling. It’s
not safe.”
“It’s
not safe here!” Micah shouted back. “We’re better off risking some falling
rocks than starving ourselves to death.”
“No
one is going to starve,” Pa said. “Alice’s crop is still going strong—that is
going to have to carry us for the next month.”
Alice
shook her head. “Evan, dearie, I want you to understand that I’m doing
everything I can, but I grow one mushroom for every ten you do.”
“She’s
right, Evan.” Uncle Jay held his wife and daughter close. “There’s no way we’re
getting through this one as things are going. The rains have gotten worse and
the few fish that were in the creeks and lakes are dead and gone.” He pointed
to his daughter’s gaunt body. “We’re already starving as it is. If we want to
survive this, we’re going to have to take some desperate measures.”
Pa
frowned. “What are you suggesting?”
Aunt
Freja spoke up. “We find my people. We find out why they have stopped bringing
their fish. My brothers will help us.”
“No.”
“Why
not?” Uncle Jay took a step toward Pa. “This is the best option we have.”
“And
what if they’re all dead?” Pa said. “Aye, I’m being blunt. But the seas are
rough, and London Ruins are dangerous. Who’s to say they’re not coming because
they’re not any more? What happens if we walk all the way across London Ruins
and find their village empty? We’re not
coming back from that.”
Aunt
Freja’s face was red. “I’m going. I will find my brothers even if you only care
about them for the food they bring.” She turned back into her house and slammed
the door.
Uncle
Jay’s eyes were wide as he stared after her. “Evan, I’m going to have to follow
my wife.”
Pa
clenched his fists and stared at the muddy ground. His head sank in defeat. “I
know. Take enough mushrooms to last you the trip. If the Northmen are still
alive, tell them we need their help. Tell them to send as many fish as they can.”
This story is so cute! And I don't mean that in a bad way, I can totally see this being picked up by Disney or Dreamworks and being turned into a movie. I like the world that you placed the story in and I think you did a great way of introducing the legend of the Ashen Oak without it seeming weird or forced. This scene was probably my favorite since we also get a good sense of Edith's relationship with her dad and the small world that they're living in. That said, I would have liked to see a little more of the village of Rol in this first section. The only places we really see are Edith's hut and Oddy's hut. I also wanted to know if Edith had a friend of sorts. I know its a small village and there's likely not many people for her to hang out with, but I feel like she should have someone that she takes on this journey. Also, I think you need to raise the stakes of the situation that the village finds itself in because of the rain. Right now it feels like Edith is over exaggerating and going on her quest for no good reason. If you show us how everyone really depends on those mushrooms and how they won't survive without them then we will understand why Edith has to go. This will also help add excitement and expectation. Lastly, I wasn't sure of how old Edith was supposed to be. At times she sounds really young so I pictured her as a 14 year old. I don't know if this was the age you were targeting but if it isn't then you can easily build her up to be older. I really like this story and I'm excited to see where Edith ends up!
ReplyDeleteI like that the story starts off with an action scene, because we get to know the characters pretty quickly through their actions and dialogue. I think you do a good job of introducing this world and the life its citizens lead in Rol. I agree with Malena that it would be helpful to see more of the village and its surroundings, so we can better picture the setting. I also agree that it would be nice for Edith to have a friend go on this journey with her, unless you plan on having her meet someone fairly quickly in the next chapter that tags along. I suggest you explain more about why the mushrooms are so important to the people of Rol. Are they the only food source? If so, why? Like Malena suggested, raise the stakes so this journey Edith is about to embark on seems more daunting and exciting. You may even consider adding a brief scene where a citizen of Rol discovers that the mushrooms have been ruined and freak out about the situation. Or something along those lines. You have plenty of room to write some more about Rol and its inhabitants, which are both important for the reader to know about, since Edith is going on her journey to save them. I think Edith’s voice works well; she sounds like a 14/15 year old. I really enjoyed your characterizations, especially of Pa and Oddy. I would like to have some physical descriptions of Edith early on. I’d also like to know what the “prized trinkets” she chooses to bring with her on the journey are. You can reveal this in this chapter or soon in the second chapter, but doing so will help the reader get to know the character more and reveal some things about who she is and why she’s so determined to do what she’s doing. A slight concern I have is the use of the word pneumonia to describe the “byproduct of the composting process”; every time I read it I thought of the illness, while it seemingly means something else in this story, and it brought me out of the story a bit. I suggest either changing the name or explaining this enough so that the reader can more easily associate the word with what you want it to mean in the story. Overall, I think this chapter is a sturdy set-up for your novel, and I am really excited to see where this journey takes Edith and what happens along the way.
ReplyDeleteI'm really loving this story so far! I think you captured your characters' voices wonderfully and you have a nice natural way with prose. I only have a few comments, most of which seem to echo what everyone else has said so far:
ReplyDelete*I love your opening action scene, especially starting with the excited dialogue!
*The concept of the "hungry" water is interesting, but also a tad confusing. At first I assumed it's just the way Pa talked about the rain as a quirk, but then I also get the sense that the hungriness of the water is an actual fantasy element? Or just extreme acid rain? I think this should be made more explicit at some point.
*I know you want to keep the true magical nature of the Ashen Oak veiled, but it does seem odd that Pa wouldn't include it in the story.
*Without your explanation of the pneumonia-ammonia thing in your author's note, I would have been super confused about all that. I see what you're trying to do with that, but it's not clear for the reader.
*It seems really sudden and not explained why Edith is up and leaving. I know she's curious about the tree and thinks it will help the village, but the situation doesn't seem quite dire enough for her to take off. I would give her more time to mull the situation over, for sure.
***Can't wait to read what happens next!
"Woke up to the devil taking a piss through my roof," The voice of this piece is amazing! Every character sounds like a unique individual and I love it. The pacing of this piece is equally good, I did not feel like it went on a tangent, every scene was concise and played a part in contributing to the story. As Maria stated above me, I could totally see Dreamworks picking this piece up and turning it into a movie. It's a very unique beginning and I love the way you talk about acid rain. My only critique is the same as Caroline's, I wonder why Edith took off so suddenly, I think that is the only thing that feels slightly off pace. Overall I think this was a great beginning and I can't wait to read your second chapter!
ReplyDeleteI feel like you did a good job in starting this story off. It was a good choice to start off with an action scene rather than exposition and I think you do a good job in giving bits and pieces of exposition through dialogue rather than having Edith narrate everything to herself (and by extension the reader). All of the characters are bright and colorful and have unique descriptions and voices. Like others, I would have liked to have seen if Edith had any friends in her small village. Even if she didn't, it seems like she, her Uncle, her Father, and Oddy are the only inhabitants. Also, I feel like she jumped into the quest way too soon for "little reason." Perhaps if something was shown where she was desperate to get the mushroom's growing again, it would make more sense. Overall a great read! Looking forward to seeing what comes next.
ReplyDelete